SPP

The Scream (Edvard Munch)

I figured it would be nice to take a break from work for a bit; to relax at home laying around in bed with no real responsibilities; to sleep in and stay up late; to be lazy. Sure I had to deal with the pain associated with a handful of fractured vertebrate, a hole in my shoulder previously filled with asphalt, a patellar cartilage fracture in my right knee, and the extensive road rash associated with losing an SUV-induced battle with the road -- but I looked forward to taking it easy for a few weeks to recover. I thought I might even enjoy it.

I was wrong.

Physical pain seems to come in two forms, one of them being intended. When pushing hard on a long climb, pain is what we fight. We suffer as intended. The reason behind our intention varies. Get stronger, go faster, lose weight, keep up, win. We suffer because we know that it produces something. We don't immediately reap the benefits, but we believe they will come. We rely on past experience to trust that the suffering is not for nothing. We aren't enduring this pain because we enjoy it. We are betting on the come.

The pain I've experienced the past couple months has come in different forms. Morphine, Oxycodone, and muscle relaxers have done a somewhat decent job with the physical pain. However, there is no pill available to cover up the strange suffering of helplessly staring at a ceiling feeling like the world is leaving you behind. No prescription for the disappointment, frustration, embarrassment, and even despair that has been difficult to endure. Many times I felt like giving up, turning back, slowing down, stopping. I wanted the suffering to end. For a time I forgot that which I've told myself countless times pushing hard on the long climbs: you can do this, it's not much longer, push harder, keep going, breath, fight the pain, endure...

because suffering produces perseverance. (Romans 5:3)


Blog post #1 of (hopefully) many, devoted to inspiring others to suffer with intention.

Thank you for reading,
Buzz