Socks

A song by Cake started playing. It was 4:15 am. My alarm was telling me it was time to check my resting heart rate (42 bpm), stealthily slide out of bed, and make my way to the espresso machine. I pulled a double shot and stood in the kitchen for a couple minutes, yawning and trying to decide if I would do (easy) an AE ride or (hard) Kilo Intervals. Evie, our Siberian Husky, whined as if to tell me to do the AE ride. I stretched and considered (very easy) climbing back in bed. A visit the bathroom to ponder further the amount of pain I was willing to endure was in order.

I decided to go with the AE ride; Kilo Intervals just hurt too much. I checked the tires and filled up a water bottle, annoyed that I’d forgotten to fill it partially to freeze overnight. Glaring at the freezer I sighed at my procrastination -- maybe I’ll fix the ice maker next weekend. Evie repeated the soft whine, no doubt wanting to go wherever it was I went every morning. Instead she was escorted to the backyard by a beautiful sleepwalking girl in pink jammies. As she passed, the wifey patted my arm to say good morning -- then returned to the dreams she had put on pause. Again I pondered heading back to bed.

I checked the time and pulled another espresso. Holding the button on the Di2 shifter confirmed that the battery was just fine. Sliding the water bottle into its cage I was now past the point of no return -- the ride was on. I made a trip back to the bedroom to wash-up, dress, kiss the sleepwalker, and reassure her that I would ride safe and be home soon.

Sitting on the couch with the coffee in hand, my eyes lazily wandered the living room. The cloudy skies produced a dim, muted morning light. The humidity in the cool air seemed to slow everything down a bit. I gazed at the clock and let my eyes go out of focus, then looked down at the shoes in front of me. And the socks that I’d laid atop them. Time paused, and the socks spoke.


They reminded me of the accident and resulting recovery period. Of the time the wifey was at work and I wanted to go try a walk but couldn’t put the socks on myself. When I leaned against the bed and stared at them with frustration; with anger. Angry that such a simple task was nearly impossible, that I couldn’t do what I wanted to do. That without assistance the walk would have to wait. Such a small thing, but it emphasized the reality of my injury and forced the realization that my recovery would be a long, boring climb with a headwind. Frustrated with the wasted time; sick of waiting; of being stuck; of being helpless. It brought me to tears. I hated the socks that day.

There are two things that I’m really good at -- being humble and being impatient. The socks forced me to deal with my impatience. They made me stop. They made me wait. They said, "Chill out dude, you’ll get through this and the end will be better. It would be great if you could manage to be just a little more patient instead of selfish and proud. Don’t be all ticked off about it; that’s how idiots act. And quit complaining about how things were better before -- you don’t know the future, so you really don’t know what the heck you’re talking about."

Or, if you prefer New King James:

The end of a thing is better than its beginning; the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools. Do not say, "Why were the former days better than these?" For you do not inquire wisely concerning this.

Ecclesiastes 7:8-10

We have a limited amount of time before we check out of this life. For me, impatience stems from an idea that time is being wasted. I’m (slowly) starting to learn that all time can be beneficial for growth, and therefore is not wasted. Finishing the coffee I glanced at my bike and then back down at my socks. I apologized for being angry at them back then. They chuckled, told me that I’m forgiven -- and that it was time to scrap the AE ride plan, man-up, and do some Kilo Intervals.


Last year I set a goal of 550 watts for a 1-minute Kilo Interval. At a couple high points in my training I came close, but never quite got there. Eight months ago, staring angrily at those socks I didn't think I ever would.


Now I have.

Free Lap

In crit racing, a “free lap” is given to riders who flat, experience a mechanical issue, or are involved in a crash. They collect themselves, roll back to the start/finish, and are allowed to jump back into the race by re-joining the main group on the next lap. It is meant to simulate what happens in a road race, when a rider is allowed to draft off team cars to catch back up to the peloton. Near the end of the race, however, when there are just a few laps to go -- free laps are no longer given and the rider must decide to either finish the race solo, or drop out completely.

In life -- just like in crits -- sometimes we get a free lap, and sometimes we don’t. When I was hit by a car I was blessed with being given a free lap. As difficult as it was to deal with, after about six months of collecting myself and rolling back to the start/finish I had the good fortune of being allowed to re-join the group. I may be suffering at the back of the pack right now, but the race isn’t over yet and I may just have something left for the sprint.

Nate Aikele (pictured above with Lance Armstrong), unfortunately, isn’t being given a free lap.

While racing in the Driveway Series a couple weeks ago in Austin, Texas, Nate went off course and hit a tree. He fractured his T4 through T10 vertebrate, severely breaking his T7, and severed his spinal cord. The prognosis is permanent paralysis from the mid-chest down.

Permanent paralysis.

In Hebrews chapter 12, the author refers to our life as a race and encourages us to run it with endurance. That word, “endurance” can also be translated “patience” and it suggests that every individual’s “race” will include difficulties that we must suffer through. The difficulty that Nate has been given to endure is of a magnitude that many, including I, cannot truly comprehend. The race that has been “set before him” is one that no one would willingly choose. If the neurologists are correct, Nate will never re-join the peloton. He may not be receiving the free lap, but he has chosen to not drop out completely – he will finish.

Please join me in praying for Nate and his family, and applaud him as he continues his race. If you are able, the family is seeking donations to aid in his recovery.
You can donate online here: https://fundly.com/nate-for-the-win

He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:29-31

Be careful out there,
and when you feel that burn in your legs on the hard training days -- be thankful.

But I Don’t Care

A depressing chart of my fitness

I could have kissed Matt (my physical therapist) when he told me I was clear to ride the trainer for five minutes last week. I held back though, on account of being married. And being a man. Five minutes hardly seems worth the time to set up the trainer, put on cycling shorts and socks and shoes, and embarrassingly realize the helmet I spent three minutes looking for was unnecessary – but I didn’t care, I was going to be on my bike!

Spoiler alert. Though I haven’t posted it yet, the bike build is complete, as evidenced by this post about a trainer ride. I hope to publish the build posts soon; it’s just taking longer than I thought it would to organize photos and descriptions.

The high heart rate value aligned with my labored breathing. But the power output did not. I was convinced something was wrong. I must have miss-calibrated, or maybe the power meter came from a bad batch, or the Garmin is incorrectly reporting the value, or...

Or maybe I lost a little fitness. And by “a little” I mean a lot.

Before I was finished with my internal debate on whether my power meter was giving me accurate numbers, the five minutes were up. I frowned and dismounted, then considered deleting the ride. I kept it though -- and even uploaded it to Strava for all to point and laugh at my measly 47 kJ of work. Half an apple later and I had sufficiently replenished the spent calories. Not much of a ride.

But I didn’t care, I was happy. Because it may be small, but it’s a start.

Five minutes after five months

Yesterday after work I was clear to add five more minutes on the trainer. For kicks, I decided to do 30 seconds of near-maximum effort to get my heart rate up. I wasn’t paying attention to power (which was good because again my output was pretty pathetic), but it is somewhat interesting to compare the power with a pre-accident effort.

On August 1 (three weeks before the accident) I was riding up Lemmon and interested in achieving a personal best one-minute power (i.e. I did a Kilo Interval * ). For the first 30 seconds of the one minute interval, my average power was 633 w at an average heart rate of 180 bpm. It isn’t quite a fair comparison since it was a portion of a longer interval, but I don’t want to completely destroy my ego.

30 seconds three weeks before the accident

* A Kilo Interval is one minute of maximum effort. Named “kilo” because at maximum effort for one minute you hope to travel around a kilometer (which would mean averaging a little over 37 mph). The interval can simulate the final kilometer of a race, where one might want to launch an attack for the win. Kilo Intervals hurt. Bad. I highly recommend them.

So, on the trainer for the second time after five months of inactivity, my average power for 30 seconds was 327 w at an average heart rate of 174 bpm. About a 48% decrease. Half the man I used to be. Cue STP’s “Creep”

♫ Take time… with a wounded back… cause it likes to heal

30 seconds five months after the accident

I’ll be honest, it was a little discouraging at first. I knew I’d see low numbers but I didn’t expect them to be that low. My fitness has tanked and it will be a while before I am back to where I was.

But I don’t care, I rode my bike!

Small Gains

I met with the doctor again today after some more x-rays hoping to hear, "You can take that brace off now and burn it." Unfortunately, like Cousin Eddie's daughter getting cured off the Wild Turkey, I'll need to slowly wean myself out of the brace over the next two weeks.

I spent one glorious hour sans brace today, and will be out of it for two hours tomorrow. Three on Saturday, four on Sunday, and so on and so forth until the brace-burning ceremony the day after Christmas. After I'm out of the brace for good, I start physical therapy -- which is currently set to be twice a week for 6 weeks. Once all that is finished (mid-February), I head back to get more x-rays and another check with the doctor to make sure none of the vertebrate fell out. Well alright, they don't fall out but I have no clue what they check for and as Hirsch put it, it's really none of my business.

I wish this could all happen quicker. I wish I could be back on the bike before the end of the year. I wish I was typing this post right now without the brace.

But I'm a man. I can be patient. If I have to. I guess.

It felt great to be free of the brace for an hour today, and I'm really looking forward to two hours tomorrow. It isn't going as quickly as I'd hoped for, but baby steps are still steps -- any progress is better than none. Sometimes personal records are just one second faster.

I'll take it.


And be extremely thankful for it.

Losing the Crown

I may have made a slight modification or two

An unfortunate consequence of being off the bike for so long has been the steady stream of Strava e-mails notifying me that I've lost a KOM. Alright, so by "steady stream" I actually mean three. Or maybe four, I can't remember. Now, I haven't really been very interested in obtaining KOMs, but the few that I have err, had (especially one on OST) were fun to "own" -- if just for a moment. When the notice came in a few days ago that yet another crown had been unceremoniously ripped from my pointy head I must admit I was a bit bummed. It was an unwelcome reminder that I'm still on the sideline, losing fitness every day while others are getting stronger.

A warning. I had a little fun with this post, and likely will offend anyone who knows their history.

Way back in '09 (that's 1509) a guy named Hank received a crown and became the KOE (King of England). I think he was 18 years old at the time; I'll Google it later. He held his KOE for nearly 40 years and during that time he had many "accomplishments", including:

• Marrying a girl named Catherine
• Having a bunch of jousting tournaments and festivals
• Marrying another girl named Catherine
• Invading France (I'm pretty sure he won)
• Marrying a third girl named Catherine
• Separating the Church of England from the Roman Catholic Church
• Marrying another girl (I forgot her name; it wasn't Catherine)
• Spending tons of money on jewels, weapons, palaces, ships, and rugs (fancy ones)
• Marrying another girl (forgot name)
• Having a son named Eddy (not Merckx) who ended up taking the KOE
• Marrying yet another girl (a "J" name I think)
• Executing around 30 people (including one of the Catherines)

I'll Google all this later to fact-check and update (maybe). I'm pretty sure he only had one wife at a time. Obviously I needed to pay closer attention during history class.

Another "accomplishment" Henry VIII had during his KOE reign was weight gain. He put on around 200 lbs sitting on his throne! They (some museum somewhere, I think) have his armor and it could fit a horse (well, not a horse; but it is really big). His obesity was so bad it led to his death at the age of 55. He spent a lot of time desperately trying to have a son to inherit his KOE -- hence the six wives -- and unfortunately his only son (Eddy) died at the age of 15 (with no children).

Fatty McFatPants (aka King Henry VIII)

Side note. Back in High School I stayed at the Queen Mary in Long Beach, CA (a ship converted to a hotel). The ship is said to be haunted but my buddies and I spent all night ghost-hunting and found nothing. King Hank the Eighth had a daughter named Mary (who became Queen Mary when Eddy died), but I don't think the ship docked at Long Beach is named after her. So this paragraph is basically worthless.

The (other) Queen Mary

Another (more useful) side note. Catherine number 2 (or 3, I can't remember) was executed because she cheated on Hank. After it was removed from her body, Catherine's head was placed atop the London Bridge for all to see and be reminded of what a fantastic, fat king they had. The bridge ended up demolished because kings like Hank kept adding building structures to it (recall "London Bridge is falling down, my fair lady"), so in the mid-1800s a new bridge was built to replace it. That bridge was sold in 1967, completely disassembled, and shipped to Lake Havasu City, Arizona to be reconstructed. In March of 2000, my partners and I started our company (Kelly, Wright & Associates). Our very first project was to evaluate the natural gas utility line that ran inside the London Bridge. There are a bunch of bats that call the bridge home, and their byproduct (guano) kept triggering the natural gas detection system. So there you go -- Henry VIII to bat dung in just three steps.

The London Bridge, before it moved to Arizona

Now, if there's one thing I remember from my history professor it's that, "Those who something something are condemned to repeat it." And there's little doubt that repeating something considered a condemnation is to be avoided -- so it would be prudent to figure out what went wrong with Hank v8. Though admittedly an odd thing, I doubt the problem is with the recurrence of wives named Catherine. It seems to me Hank's problem was that he sat on his fat butt spending money like a modern American politician eating anything unfortunate enough to end up within reach of his fat, porky hands.

Hurry up and finish that albatross, fatty

I wonder if Hank would have me beheaded or hanged, drawn and quartered for calling him fatty.

The problem with being king is you can lose the motivation to become better. You can just sit on your throne collecting Catherines and buying fancy rugs. Eating horse burgers and executing ex-wives. You can become complacent, apathetic, bored, lazy, fat. Being king isn't necessarily a bad thing -- after all you can invade France -- but don't settle for just being king. Seek to conquer new kingdoms, to expand your territory, to have more sons (the analogy sort of breaks down here).

If you've been able to collect a few KOMs, hopefully Mark C. will come take them from you -- and when it happens, don't be bummed about it. Instead, welcome the opportunity to become better.

PRs > KOMs

To those who have stolen my crowns:
I am coming for you and I will show you no mercy. It may take some time, but I promise that some day you will see a blur, barely making out the word "Ridley" as I fly by. You'll feel the weight lifted as I snatch back my crown and you'll hear the roar of the people cheering as I restore peace to the realm!

Insurance for Cyclists

Unfortnately, I never really thought much about insurance before my accident. Hopefully you will never have to deal with this, but in case you do maybe you can learn a bit from my experience and be covered.

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Automobile Insurance

The minimum car insurance requirements in Arizona are $15,000 for medical and $10,000 for property. With the economy being what it is, there are likely a lot of drivers out there with just the bare minimum coverage. If you are hit by a car and the person has just those minimums, you will only get (up to) $10,000 for your bike and (up to) $15,000 for your medical expenses. There are very few instances where a 4,000-lb Isuzu RLL contacting a 20-lb Specialized Allez will be sufficiently covered by the $15,000 minimum medical coverage. Unfortunately, there is also a risk that the driver won't have any insurance at all.

A quick side note. If you get hit by a car, no matter how good you think you feel, call the police, have the accident documented and go see a doctor to get examined. Especially if your helmet touches pavement. You will have a ton of adrenaline from the accident and you won't notice all of the damage that was done to your body. It may take days for you to realize that you've got something wrong, and if you didn't get the accident documented it's too late. Get a CT scan if you hit your head, you may have a concussion. It's much better to be safe than sorry. Don't be a hero and don't feel like you are doing the driver a favor (you aren't) -- report the accident and then get checked by a doc.

Also, if you sustain serious enough injuries or significant property damage, you may benefit from hiring an attorney. I am not a fan of lawyers and am not big on suing anyone, but there are a lot of areas where the expertise of a lawyer will be beneficial to you. For example, knowing what to do if/when the hospital mails you a lien notice. If you are going to hire an attorney, do not talk to the driver's insurance company (let the lawyer communicate with them).

So, what do you do when the driver's insurance won't cover your expenses, either because their coverage is too low, or because they don't have any insurance at all? You can purchase "un-insured motorist" and "under-insured motorist" coverage on your personal car insurance policy. Then, if the person who hit you doesn't have enough insurance to cover your bills your own insurance will kick in. When your insurance is used in these circumstances you won't need to worry about your rates going up -- they won't. To add them to your policy is fairly inexpensive and well worth it if you need it. If you ride a lot in a busy city there is definitely a risk of getting hit -- so it makes a lot of sense to be covered in case that happens.

In my experience (3 days in the hospital, some fractured vertebrate, patellar cartilage damage, and concussion), the medical settlement amount would have been between $100,000 and 150,000. That includes lost wages and pain & suffering which will vary by person and severity of accident. I've been told that typical vehicle-bicycle collisions average around $100,000. Based on that information, I would recommend cyclists carry at least $100,000 of un-insured and $100,000 of under-insurance coverage.

Additionally, you may want to add MedPay coverage, which will directly pay for your medical bills up to the amount you select. If you have a $1,000 medical deductible, you may want to carry the $1,000 MedPay coverage so nothing is out-of-pocket. You do have the option of having your MedPay coverage higher than your deductible, which would mean cash in your pocket, but you aren't trying to make money -- you just want to cover yourself if the unfortunate should happen.

Another quick side note. The law requires that you are not allowed to insure yourself for more than you insure others, meaning if you want $100,000 of under-insured covered you will need to also have at least $100,000 of liability coverage.

For damage to your bike, the insurance company will reimburse MSRP plus sales tax. It is a good idea to keep a record of everything you have, with the date it was purchased and it's MSRP. They may deduct a percent for depreciation (something like 2-3% per year). When they pay you for the damage they then own your bike -- but I've been told that often then never come to claim it, so there is a chance that you will be able to salvage parts off it even after being reimbursed for those parts. You'll probably want to get something in writing from the insurance company stating that they are releasing the property back to you. Keep this in mind when you start buying replacement parts, you may want to hold off to see if you will be given back an item that was not damaged beyond re-use. Since there is a good chance that you will retain the damaged property, you should include everything you can in the claim, even if the damage done was very minor.

I put together a template that you might find useful for documenting your property.

Click here to download the Property Template property-template.xls Microsoft Excel Spreadsheet [20.0 KB]

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Home Owner's Insurance / Renter's Insurance

There are a few instances where your home owner's or renter's insurance will come in to play. Your insurance policy may cover damage from fire, lightning, windstorm, hail, explosion, riot or civil commotion, direct loss from looting, aircarft, vehicles, smoke (if loss is sudden and accidental), vandalism, theft, and falling objects (though damage to the falling object is not included). Your insurance coverage may be different so you'll want to check. I would think the main items you'd want to make sure you have are fire damage and theft coverage. You will also want to check to see what your deductible is and consider lowering it if deemed cost effective.

By the way, the "falling object" coverage will not cover damage to your bike when, during a race, an unfortunate crash results in multiple bikes and bodies falling on it. It is meant to cover falling tree limbs or shade structures. Yeah, I know... bummer. You still need to adhere to the "only race what you can replace" guideline.

You will want to document as much of the property you want covered as possible. Keep all your receipts as proof of purchase and take pictures of everything inlcuding the serial number on your frame. If you no longer have receipts take pictures and write down as much information about the item as you can. The more thorough your documentation the better. In Strava, you can input all of your components to track mileage and time for each -- take advanatage of that feature.

Side note again. You may want to write your persoanl information on a small piece of paper and tape it to the inside of your head tube so it's hidden from the thief but available for verification if you retrieve the bike and they've ground off the serial number. If your bike is stolen, immediately notify the police, send flyers to bike shops all over Arizona, notify all the Play-It-Again Sports style stores, and keep your eyes on Craigslist and Ebay. You can even set up a Google Alert. If you see your bike on Craigslist or Ebay contact the police immediately.

I've received conflicting information regarding property replacement value from home insurance coverage. One source (lawyer) stated that replacement value is MSRP plus sales tax. Another source (insurance agent) says it is "retail cost at time of replacement." In either case, you want to be able to prove that you owned the property and be able to identify manufacturer and model. So don't just take a picture of your bike, get close-up photos of your shifters, derailleurs, etc. For any expensive item (e.g. power meter) you want to have as much proof as possible.

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For more information, BicycleLaw has a good article (click here to view).

Like I said, I hope none of you find yourself in a situation where you need to contact your insurnace agent and hire a lawyer. If you do though, hopefully you will be covered enough that your financial burden is minimal and you can focus solely on recovering and getting back on the road. If you have any questions or if I missed anything feel free to comment below.

Cons... and Pros

I'm told they all have one, you just have to look for it

With all the pain, frustration, and  difficulties that result from getting rear-ended by an SUV while riding your bicycle... there are at least a few benefits worth mentioning (not that I would recommend the "windshield-headbutt to asphalt-faceplant" as a means of acquiring them).

Benefit #1: Teenager Mode

With the majority of the pain (and corresponding pain medication intake) occurring during the night, the mornings end up being a foggy haze reminiscent of the ones too-often awarded to my friends and I during our college years. While a hangover is no fun, whether it results from that party you should have left 3 hours earlier than you did, or some unfortunately-necessary Oxycodone taken at 3am -- it does mean that my alarm clock has been set in the "off" position for a couple months now. It means that I wake up when I can, which sometimes isn't until after I'm already hungry for lunch. I get out of bed, shower (if the wifey is home to assist me), get dressed, and get to work when I'm able to -- completely independent of the location of the hands on the clock hanging on my wall. It seems funny to say, but for a while now and for at least a little longer: I'm back in my Teenager Mode... I get to sleep in.

Benefit #2: Beach Bum

Being part owner of a mechanical engineering firm comes with certain expectations. At project kick-off meetings with building owners, architects, contractors, and the occasional interior designer, it is -- and always has been -- a given that when a mathematical calculation needs to be performed, I will be there -- calculator or slide rule in hand -- ready to immediately provide the correct answer. I am expected to turn in 10-months worth of work in 7 weeks. I am to reduce my fee twice while increasing my scope thrice. And I am expected to wear a short sleeve dress shirt with tie, slightly wrinkled slacks, miss-matched argyle socks, and of course... my pocket protector. Err... I mean, "a" pocket protector.

With the fashion accessory, aka "core brace," that I am required to wear 23.75 hours a day (doctor's orders, reinforced by the wifey), I have needed to hang up the dress shirts and opt for the weekend/vacation t-shirts. Now my clients can learn which rock bands I like, where I like to travel for vacations, and what year I graduated from the U. Additionally, if I am unable to escape the foggy morning haze prior to the wifey leaving for work, I must resign to wearing flip flops on account of my inability to put on socks or tie my shoes. It's almost like I'm back on the beach of Isla Kuanidup off the Caribbean coast of Panama. Almost.

Benefit #3: Captain I.P. Freely

Due to my doctor-ordered requirement to avoid bending over at all while the vertebrate heal, our entire household (at least for the time being) is subscribing to the 24/7-seat-up policy, which I haven't enjoyed for a little over 5 years now. Granted this benefit is likely to be the first one to go because 50% of the household is less than happy with it. And let me be perfectly clear: I am happily married going on a little over 5 years and much prefer the beautiful wifey over saving the 2 seconds lifting a seat any day of the week -- so I'm completely willing to lose this benefit when it comes time. I'll just enjoy it while I can.

Benefit #4: Rebirth

And last but not least, with my rear wheel and frameset sufficiently disassembled into a dozen or so pieces (read: destroyed), I am supremely blessed with the task of obtaining a new bike.

When I started cycling I noticed that I was always "checking out" other people's bikes. Even when driving around town if I saw a cyclist I would look to see what they were riding. At group rides I sometimes have trouble remembering names, but can always remember their bikes. For a while Evan was "the racer with the Fuji," Jason was "that guy with the Roubaix who used to have the Allez," Cody was "the guy with the CAAD who is also into mountain biking," and so on.

I've found myself in the exciting position to start completely over with my road bike; now armed with the knowledge I've acquired over the past year from reading magazine reviews, online forums and articles, friend's opinions, and most importantly -- my own experiences.

It's almost as if I get to choose my new "name" -- almost like choosing a new identity.

So what about you? What are you currently riding? What do you like about your bike? What do you dislike? If you were buying a new bike, what would it be? Feel free to comment below, I definitely appreciate your thoughts.

SPP

The Scream (Edvard Munch)

I figured it would be nice to take a break from work for a bit; to relax at home laying around in bed with no real responsibilities; to sleep in and stay up late; to be lazy. Sure I had to deal with the pain associated with a handful of fractured vertebrate, a hole in my shoulder previously filled with asphalt, a patellar cartilage fracture in my right knee, and the extensive road rash associated with losing an SUV-induced battle with the road -- but I looked forward to taking it easy for a few weeks to recover. I thought I might even enjoy it.

I was wrong.

Physical pain seems to come in two forms, one of them being intended. When pushing hard on a long climb, pain is what we fight. We suffer as intended. The reason behind our intention varies. Get stronger, go faster, lose weight, keep up, win. We suffer because we know that it produces something. We don't immediately reap the benefits, but we believe they will come. We rely on past experience to trust that the suffering is not for nothing. We aren't enduring this pain because we enjoy it. We are betting on the come.

The pain I've experienced the past couple months has come in different forms. Morphine, Oxycodone, and muscle relaxers have done a somewhat decent job with the physical pain. However, there is no pill available to cover up the strange suffering of helplessly staring at a ceiling feeling like the world is leaving you behind. No prescription for the disappointment, frustration, embarrassment, and even despair that has been difficult to endure. Many times I felt like giving up, turning back, slowing down, stopping. I wanted the suffering to end. For a time I forgot that which I've told myself countless times pushing hard on the long climbs: you can do this, it's not much longer, push harder, keep going, breath, fight the pain, endure...

because suffering produces perseverance. (Romans 5:3)


Blog post #1 of (hopefully) many, devoted to inspiring others to suffer with intention.

Thank you for reading,
Buzz