Grimacing

Bike the Bluff, June 2013

You've reached that point. Or more accurately stated, you've arrived.

Your enemy did all that he could to prevent it, but you -- not your mind, not your body -- you were able to battle the relentless thought of quitting, the counterfeit "desire" to stop, to slow, to decrease, to fall short, to fail. You attacked yourself, and you won. Congratulations, you have been rewarded.

With the grimace.

Do not be fooled though, for it is not really a grimace. It is a smile. A mandatory smile forced upon your body, forced upon your mind, forced... by your soul. It appears distorted because the mind does not really want to produce it. It is a smile that cannot be faked for a photograph by saying "cheese," nor can it be avoided when thought inappropriate. Though your mind will tell you otherwise, it will not last long; a few minutes, perhaps only seconds. It cannot be given to anyone, nor can it be taken away -- it must be earned.

It is permissible for you to wear the smile temporarily after providing a worthy effort, after giving what is deemed the requirement, after sufficiently turning yourself inside-out. Treasure it, for it is not just a smile -- it is the best kind of smile -- it is the most genuine of all smiles.

This smile, despite what your mind tells you, is not caused by pain. It results from the realization that an extremely important achievement has been made; that progress has taken place; that you have become... better. You went 30 seconds faster, or perhaps an hour. You went 4 inches higher, or perhaps 1,000 feet. You went 30 yards further, or perhaps 20 miles. You pushed your limit and placed a flag in a place you've never been before. You've discovered new land. No... you've conquered new land. You aren't the best, but that isn't due to some complacent acceptance; it's through the understanding that your goal is not be become the best. No, you will not simply settle for "best." Your goal is to not to become, but to be... better. Your goal is not achieved next year, next month, or even next week. Your goal is achieved every time you are allowed to wear the smile.

Your enemy may have convinced you that progress ends with age, but this too is a lie. Progress continues, but with age it transfers away from the physical and ceases to be practice; no longer just a scrimmage. You will then, with age, apply that which you have learned in your youth; when you were intentionally seeking the smile.

The endurance you've achieved will not be needed for races. Your strength will not be needed for training. Your agility will not be needed for sports. Your fitness will not be needed for games. These skills will be used elsewhere. You will have transitioned involuntarily from amateur to professional.

Disappointment will not come from an overtime loss, but from a missed opportunity to do the right thing. Elation will not be from finishing a marathon, but from walking 20 feet with your daughter -- down the aisle. The labored breathing will not be from a difficult climb, but from the death of a parent -- and perhaps your spouse. The taste of blood will not result from a hard effort, but from a battle with a disease you never saw coming. The nervous feeling will not result from peering over the edge before dropping in, but from looking death in the eye and knowing that this time it will not be cheated.

You will wear the smile for new reasons, or so it will seem -- but the reality is that the reason is the same; you will have achieved something extremely important; you will have made progress; you will have become... better. Enjoy the smile, for though in those instances it was not sought after -- it was still earned.

Realize though that the smile is temporary; it will fade; and when it fades your goal will have moved away from you. It will have become 50 seconds faster, 5 miles further, 500 feet higher.

You have beaten yesterday's version of you, but now you are tomorrow's enemy...

and you will be attacked...

and you will be defeated...


for tomorrow you will be better.